DIY Sheep versus Doctor Who and everybody else

Doctor Who: kinky, but tasteful














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Things that are really really disturbing in Doctor Who

 

And by this: no I do mean Sylvester McCoy. I am talking about the most ridiculous and hilarious bits that make you go ‘what in lord’s name were they on to come up with that idea?’

 

But they obviously seemed like a good idea at the time.

 

 

1.

 

That the earth’s final tribute will be Toxic by Britney Spears. Oh sod me – yes it is the End of the World, but really? I have to wonder about Russell T. 5 Billion years of culture and achievement and our legacy is Britney effing Spears. I am all for ‘Up the new series gay agenda!’, but really?

 

 

2.

 

The giant skateboarding prawn from the Keys of Marinus.

 

  • It is a prawn. To be fair it is a very big prawn, but non the less it is a prawn. There is no way to get around this very major seafoodie type fact. Every time I see this episode I just want to yell ‘get out the seafood sauce and open the buffet you wankers’. That prawn may have had grand plans, but it would not have lasted five minutes if it had tried to take over Florida. Little old Jewish ladies armed with tartare sauce would have been swarming over it in minutes.

 

  • It also has to be wheeled around on what appears to be a little skateboard by people who have shoved their heads in a bowl of icing sugar.

 

 

All in all, although very eloquent and witty, not a great villain.

 

 

3.

 

Kar Farty Gay or what ever the hell it is…

 

Every time I see this written I go WTF? Which idiot decided that Kar Farqui Gay was going to be the nick name of the deeper, darker and more manipulative NA (new adventures) Seventh Doctor – Lawrence Miles on crack? No I apologise – Lawrence Miles on crack would have come up with something much more impressive. It does not sound impressive. It sounds like a noise you can make by wiggling your armpit up and down.

 

Why I am gurgling on about a book range that nine tenths of you will not have heard of, is that this NA thing of which I speak was stunning. You think the new series is good. You ain’t seen nothing until you have read an NA. They are so deep, if you are not careful, you could very easily drown. 

 

 

4.

 

The simple fact that although it must have been somewhere in the TV movie, no one anywhere can agree on what colour the Eighth Doctor’s coat was. I even read an interview with Paul McGann and he had no idea – and he wore the bloody thing. I think he must have blanked it out of his mind along with the rest of that horrible experience. The bloody thing has been everything from bottle green to purple. Someone must know. Can’t we find the costumer who worked on the TVM and ring them up?

 

 

5.

 

Do we smell? Are Doctor Who fans really that bad?

 

Why did you do it Chris?

 

Why did you lure us down the garden path with your acting ability bread crumbs and then yank the rug from under us after one season? All we wanted was a Doctor who could save the universe and act at the same time. But Doctor Who wasn’t good enough for your giant norfern talent and you left us, just when we were getting used to the idea of putting the words ‘ACTING’ and ‘DOCTOR WHO’ in the same sentence.

 

We would have loved you forever. We would have flown you on a bed of roses over to conventions in America where you would have been looked upon as a norffernne god. I know you probably don’t regard Doctor Who as the high point of your career, but it made a lot of people very very happy. And, as someone much cleverer than me said, it is the little things you leave behind that matter the most.

 

Well unless you are Shakespeare of course… in which case everthing you do is just effin brilliant.

 

 

6.

 

Eric Roberts’ dress sense. Has that guy been to a counselor?