DIY Sheep versus Doctor Who and everybody else

Lawrence Miles should have written The Ancestor Cell cos he rocks














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Is it just me or are the faction paradox just a bunch of total tossers. They are sort of like an intergalactic version of that creepy bloke two doors down who always calls the police when someone is having a party. They need to get a life.

 

Ooooo, yes – the Faction are a really scary bunch of guys in silly masks who go around… and get this… this is the really scary part – creating paradoxes.

 

You know that whole chicken and the egg thing: that was them. Pretty darn evil isn’t it. I bet they all sit around the Faction HQ (someone’s mum’s garage) and do cryptic crossword puzzles and try to make rude anagrams out of Time Lords' names.

 

Even the Master (including the Anthony Ainley version) was scarier.

 

I mean just imagine what they get up to when they are not tormenting the Doctor.

 

You are walking down the street minding your own business when:

 

‘Whoooo. I am a scary man in a mask and I have just made you kill your own Grandfather at some point in the future so you will never have existed… whooo.’

 

‘Er, why?’

 

‘Because it is soo amazingly paradoxical… whooo’

 

‘Right.’

 

‘Ahh yes. But how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?’

 

.....

 

Tossers! 

 

I mean who wouldn't want to join the faction? First thing they do is lop an arm off. Now that is a great recruiting strategy:

 

Join the Faction. See the universe. Be mildly cryptic and all mysterious. Piss the Doctor off a bit. Lose an arm.

 

What do they have against limbs? I would have thought that if you are going to go around doing Faction stuff like nicking unsuspecting people's biodata two arms would be an advantage over one. But then again I don't ponce around wearing a bone hockey mask do I?

 

And they don't seem to be a very happy lot do they? Emotional problems galore... 'Oh you left me Doctor. Oh I only have one arm. Oh I am so paradoxical it hurts.'

 

And speaking of biodata - why?

 

'Ah hah Doctor! Now we have your biodata... mah ha ha ha.'

 

'So.'

 

'Well, we've got it.'

 

'And.'

 

'Well, we were thinking of putting it in a little jar on that shelf. It is a nice shelf. It was on special at Ikea.'

 

'Not too sure I like the faux wood laminate though.'

 

'Like I said - it was on special.'

 

...

 

Wot? Is this some sort of intergalactic version of stamp collecting? Gota get them all to complete the set or something and the Doctor is like that stamp where the Queen was printed up side down.

 

Tossers!

 

 

 

 

 

Who is Lawrence Miles and who are the bunch of tossers in the bone hockey masks: Check out this site - http://www.planeteleven.co.uk/features/lmia/index.php for lots of Miles related goodness or go to http://www.beasthouse.fsnet.co.uk/ for some absolutely hilarious discussions about various thingies by the man himself.