DIY Sheep versus Doctor Who and everybody else














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See what I mean! What is he doing in this?
na-21.jpg
Is he practising his golf swing or has he pulled a calf muscle?

I am so well trained now that when you say NA Ace to me I immediately think of Sophie Aldred in leather and sunglasses (something I like to do a lot anyway) and when you say NA Doctor (think number seven) I get a vision of a badly drawn dude who vaguely resembles Sylvester McCoy in a cream coloured suit generally doing something questionable to an equally bizarrely drawn alien.

Having read - oh about six or maybe seven NAs I am in absolutely no position to make any comments on various character's characterisation, but I thought I'd do it anyway because ill informed, drunken ramblings are what have made Doctor Who great. Do you really think Lawrence Miles wasn't on illegal substances when he came up with those ideas?

 

But the New Adventure books I have read have just been so terribly 'agnsty'. I just get the feeling that sometimes our poor NA heroes would like the odd day off…
















‘I’m feeling a bit NA-ish today Ace.’

 

Ace stopped in her tracks and put down the sandwich she had been just about to tuck into. ‘On no Professor, not again. You haven’t been listening to Death Comes To Time again have you?’

 

The Doctor looked a bit sheepish….

 

‘Oh fuck me!’ Ace exclaimed as she slapped her head with her hand. She rounded on the Doctor. ‘Did you find another chess set? You did, didn’t you? Just when I thought I’d hidden them all.’

 

‘I’m sorry Ace, but I can’t help myself. Checkers just doesn’t tiddle my winks.’

 

Ace slumped down on a convenient sofa and regarded the Doctor warily. ‘So what is it going to be this time?’

 

‘Well,’ he said slowly. ‘I was thinking of evil since the dawn of time.’

 

Ace sighed. ‘What is it with you and evil since the dawn of time. There’s this great jazz festival on in Melbourne and I was thinking we could go there.’ She looked at him hopefully. ‘Straight blowing – your favourite?’

 

The Doctor looked startled. ‘Melbourne!’ he exclaimed. ‘Evil since the dawn of time is one thing Ace, but Melbourne weather is something altogether different. I may allude every now and then to being a mythical being of immense power, but even I know better than to mess with that.’

 

‘But then I’ll have to come too – to watch your back and be all protective and violent... and shag every bloke in sight. I was planning a nice quiet day with Love Actually.’

 

‘Oh come on – didn’t I rescue from being a non entity type waitress?’

 

‘Yes and you also put me through bloody hell, but it is not that.’ Ace looked uncomfortable. ‘It’s the combat suit. I’ve put on a few pounds and it is a bit tight in certain places.’

 

The Doctor shot her a smug look. ‘I’m sorry Ace. I may be a God of the Fourth, but even I can’t perform miracles.’

 

‘Benny help me out here..?’ she called to the disheveled bundle lounging on a sofa near the library alcove.

 

‘Oh no you don’t,’ retorted a voice from somewhere inside the bundle. ‘Don’t involve me in this one. I am far too worn out working through my own angst involving my supposed doctorate to get involved in thwarting today, thank you. So you two can just bugger off and try not to get killed.’

 

Ace desperately tried another tack. ‘You do realize you are going to get hideously tortured don’t you? I may as well go ring up Kate and ask what to expect so we can save time…’

 

‘But, I’m Time’s Champion. It’s in the job description.’

 

‘And Love Actually has had excellent reviews,’ countered Ace.

 

The Doctor stood up and began to pace. ‘Don’t distract me Ace. I am only doing my duty by the universe.’

 

Ace muttered under her breath something about Paul someone, fan wank, kinky fan fantasies and how she would like to shove them all into a big canon and….

 

A voice (belonging to Benny) interrupted all this mickey taking. ‘Love Actually? Hey – wasn’t Emma Thompson in that?’

 

The Doctor looked intrigued. ‘Emma Thompson?’ he asked.

 

Ace gave a great big smile. ‘Yep – Alan Rickman, Hugh and Emma Thompson.’

 

The Doctor sat back down again with a dreamy look on his face. ‘Oh, I like Emma Thompson.’ His smile turned to a frown. ‘That bastard Ken Branagh. He didn’t know what he was giving up. When I meet him in 2019 I’m going to punch him in the nose.’

 

Ace waggled the DVD in front of him. ‘So evil since the dawn of time or Emma.’

 

‘Well..?’

 

‘Bloody brilliant – Benny, get the popcorn.’