time lord sex talk

DIY Sheep versus Doctor Who and everybody else

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I was recently reading a fan fiction story where the Fifth Doc and Tegan 'get it on' and it made me wonder... just what would - er - 'it' be called in polite Time Lordian society. I am of course ignoring all that loom weaving stuff. Personally all that loom nonsense sounds like the Time Lord equivalent of being 'found in the cabbage patch':
 
'Er well... Theta... one day you were just crocheted up along with a lovely pair of leg warmers and tea cosy.'
 
Yeah right!
 
I rekon that this whole 'looming' thing has something to do with the fact that they are all cousins. Something a little dodgy going on in that society if you ask me. You only have to take one look at the Tower of Rassilon to know what he was obsessed with - what was that nursery rhyme again? Above, between, below?
 
However, assuming that Time Lords could engage in rumpy pumpy just what would they call it?

  • 'Hey baby, come into my TARDIS and let me show you my random pulse generator.'

 

  • 'Oh yeah Romana - let the neutron flow.'

 

  • 'They didn't call that episode 'Earthshock' for nothing baby.'

 

  • 'I am the Great Rassilon. This is my rod. It is also great.'

 

  • 'It's quite simple Sarah Jane. You put one foot there, the other one over here, push off and away you go.'
 
(The more astute of you will notice that this is a quote totally nicked from the Five Doctors)
 
 
'I am sorry, but I can't,' he said reluctantly.
 
'Can't Barusa, or won't - because you are weighed down by your position as Grand Poobah of the Very High Council of Gallifrey and cannot let your love interfere with your duties,' she cried heart broken. 
 
'Well yes I am weighed down, but not by that. I am terribly sorry, but I can't even bend down wearing this stupid Gallifreyan headress. I feel like I have a paddle pop stick up my jacksie... and the hat is crushing my new hair do.'
 
She looked deep into his eyes. 'But can you get it off?'
 
 
and finally....
 
'The little fellow is perfectly all right thankyou.'