DIY Sheep versus Doctor Who and everybody else

Do you know that if you type 'Paul McGann + wanker' into google you get this site. Isn't that lovely

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Spoofs, satire, essays on hats and much more.
just clicky clicky on the links below...

The real story behind the anniversary special

We have had the Three Doctors (total toss), the Five Doctors (dearie dearie me), so let's go for broke with the Nine Doctors.



A totally drunken rant about why the Faction Paradox are a bunch of total tossers and Mad Larry is a git. If you don't know who Mad Larry is you are not a proper Doctor Who fan and should go stick your head in a blender.
Well go on...


Sometimes you have to just take a day off from thwarting evil since the dawn of time.


Sex, sex, sex and more sex...


A serious reflection of hats in Doctor Who. Mildly amusing. I suppose it depends on how you feel about headgear.


Oh come on - fan wank can be fun. Deep down don't we all want it to be real?


Audio World interview Big Finish about their latest release - Zagreus!


An absolutely spiffing Five Doctor's spoof by the lovely Lein.


Just how did Susan come about: Time Lord sex talk


Somewhere, out there, there is a thread called 'Bring Back Paul McGann'. The Dead Doctor Sketch.

The Paul McGann Estrogen Brigade (PMEB) would like it noted that they have a great regard for Mr McGann's body... of work and that their appreciation of Doctor Who has nothing to do with that scene where he was wandering around in nothing but a sheet. The PMEB have no desire to see Mr McGann naked - or better yet doing that Colin Firth wet shirt thing from Pride and Prejudice.

'But that is the joy of Doctor Who! It doesn't make a jot of sense, complete bollocks - like it is written by a bunch of blind chipmunks on acid. I mean take The Curse of Fenric: that made no sense at all... but the fans didn't care because they are total idiots... total wonderful joy.... take Tom Baker. He was totally off his tree most of the time, but no one cared... and that is the joy of Doctor Who. It is total and utter dribble made by raving loonies - brilliant.'
Nicholas Parsons from the The Curse of Fenric commentary

Join the Faction today! Be all cryptic and paradocial. Piss off the Doctor. Lose an arm!
Faction Paradox Recruiting Poster

'Who are you Doctor?'

He stopped and came back to her. 'You know like we were saying about sticking ferrets down your trousers?'

Billy looked puzzled. 'No.'

'Oh well, I must have been thinking of that night when me and Turlough... never mind. It is like when you have done far too much hash and the world is spinning and spinning and you have this incredible urge to eat three sausage and egg McMuffins and a packet of rinse aid. Well, it is like that. I can feel it, sometimes twice or three times on a goodnight depending on what I am watching on tele... Fiona Bruce from Crime Watch - Whoah!

So forget me Rose Tyler... and no you can't keep the vibrating plastic fist!'

Why can't I just regenerate into Hugh Grant and finally get some?
The Doctor

Splendid hats, all of them!
The Brigadier

'First we find the TARDIS, then we have a little scout round.'
The Doctor

Sylvester: ‘Ah yes – that bloody jumper. Andy Cartmel and I would say to JNT: look JNT. How is the Doctor meant to be all dark and brooding covered with little red wooly question marks. Not exactly awe inspiring. I bet you wouldn’t put a Dalek in one. And JNT would just smile, say ‘bless’ and have us thrown out by security.


I remember once, during the filming of Fenric I had the great idea of feeding the jumper to some goats grazing in a nearby paddock. You know what they say about goats: they will eat anything. Well not that little bugger they wouldn’t.


I spent two hours trying to get them to eat it, but then JNT saw me, came over and said ‘bless’.


Then he locked me in the catering fridge for the rest of the day. Very cold in there, but mind you – I had lots of sandwiches to eat. Ah - it was all fun and games back then.’


Interviewer: ‘And the point of this is?’


Sylvester: ‘Ahh - How well I remember JNT saying those very words to me as he sat down with a loaded revolver and a bottle of homemade gin and prepared to watch the director’s cut of The Curse of Fenric.’


Interviewer: ‘No really… are you on drugs.’


Sylvester: ‘Many a time JNT would ask exactly that question before he would say ‘bless’, take away my spoons and stick a bag over my head. It truly was a fantastic era.’

Rose looked over at Mickey, who was trying to open a beer bottle with his nose.

'It is strange. There is no mention of this mysterious Doctor person,' she said as she tried yet another search in the non brand name internet search engine produced nothing.

'Well for a start,' said Mickey. 'use effing google.'

Rose threw him a dirty look. 'All right, all right...'

She peered intensely at the screen.

'Doctor, big nose - nothing. Doctor, stupid jacket - nothing, Doctor, Paul McGann - 50034.... cor blimey.'

Mickey chugged his beer. 'Why don't you try: Doctor, anorak?'

So she did and the computer exploded.

I had no idea Christopher Eccleston's nose was...
A: So handsome
B: So effing huge
C: Can be seen from outer space on a clear day

'Exhausting day lads?' said McGann from beneath a tangle of scarf. 'I spent all day dodging people who wanted to get into my trousers.'

'Yes, did you eventually manage to ditch Richard Franklin?' inquired Sylvester.

McGann smiled evilly: 'Nutted him, in the John, right after the Shada panel.'

Percy James Kent-Smith

'They didn't call that episode 'Earthshock' for nothing baby.'

Doctor Who is like having sex with a lama

'I am the Great Rassilon. This is my rod. It is also great.'

‘Tying Mathew Waterhouse Up And Trying to Drown Him: Behind the Scenes on Doctor Who During The Peter Davison Years’ by Janet Fielding.

‘I Hated Mathew Waterhouse Too’ by Peter Davison.

‘We All Hated The Spotty Little Oink’ by Sarah Sutton.

‘Paul luv, do you really think it was wise to give a line that reads ‘There are six Silurian spaceships shrouded behind the seven suns of Sarcasterix’ to Sylvester McCoy?’

Russell: ‘No luv, that is not a sock puppet. That is Sylvester McCoy. So stop trying to stick your hand up him.’

What if Davros had not gone in for all that universe conquering stuff, but had decided to settle down... linkie linkie!

'It is a sad day when passing fan brats can write the words 'durlikeChris!!!???uwatg*glol' and someone actually understands them.'
Roger the Shrubber

Linkie linkie: The Doctor Who Web Guide will lead you anywhere in the Doctor Who net world. It is totally bonza and has everything from review sites to this cute site that makes stories using Doctor Who action figures. And no I am not going to put a link to Outpost Gallifrey. If you can't find that one you are a total tosser.

And a big thanks to the sexy Wilx who did the groovy artwork for Those Wacky Quacks even though he said he didn't like it very much himself personally